When I was growing up my life with friends was not always fun...I was frequently the subject matter of jokes, I was often left out, and I was made fun of a lot! It hurt...a lot! Through those years I learned how to be my own best friend. I learned how to be independent.
Now looking back I realize how important my supportive family was to those feelings of self worth. I knew that at home I was a rock star! I could make my family laugh, I was the "older" sister and totally abused that power...I had a family that loved me! I also knew that I wasn't alone. I had a Heavenly Father that knew my pain and hurt.
So....I sit here remembering ALL of those feelings of hurt and pain as I try to think of what to do for my sweet tender hearted Noah. I can almost see my little 8 year old self in his eyes. The timidness he feels at not wanting to give friends any reason to tease him...which was the battle this morning...as he is rushing out the door I notice that he is only wearing his sweatshirt. I tell him to put on his coat because it is only 30 degrees outside. Today I finally discovered the reason behind his "I don't want to wear my new coat!" feelings. He told me, through tears, that he gets teased by a couple of friends because his coat is too poofy! {heart breaking} So I did what I could...I tried to empower him...tried to tell him that he can stand up for himself. I told Zach that he can stand up for his brother, that Zach can tell them that they are being bullies...I told them that they can choose to stick together and walk alone. {sigh} Even as the words were coming out of my mouth I knew that it wouldn't change much... I remember hearing those kinds of words...and knowing that the moment I left I would still feel hurt, and timid, and alone.
The mama bear heart in me wants to run to his defense...to fight the battle for him...and yet I know that these kinds of experiences are part of growing up. I know that stepping in would only be more embarrassing for him.
My only hope is that I can provide a soft place to land at the end of those rough, alone, hurtful days. That he can know that he is a rock star in our home. That he can feel our love and know that he is never alone. That he has a Heavenly Father that loves him too. I guess that is all a mama bear can truly do...{tears}
4 months ago
7 comments:
Heather, I am so sorry. That brakes my heart. I always worry that my children will have those same experiences and it brakes my heart to think about it. How grateful he will be, just as you are, that he has a family who loves him and teaches him of a Father in Heaven who suffered for him and truly loves him!!!
ahh, that makes my heart ache for him.
That just breaks my heart as well! Thank you for sharing this story. I recently had a similar instance with Jenna, and she is 4!! It honestly shocks me that it is starting at such a young age. Wonderful advice though, thank you :)
You are a great Mother, and a wonderful teacher... and I'm sorry that I was one of those snotty little bratty kids when we were little. Being one of the tormenters... you never forget the hurtful and mean things you say when you're little either.. just like you don't forget when people were mean to you. I feel bad and actually distinctly remember a time I wasn't so nice to you. So... I'm VERY SORRY! I look up to you and try everyday to be more like you!!!!
Awww such sweet little guys. I feel your pain. I can't stand the thought of my own kids feeling those feelings of rejection, or not fitting in. I have a very sensitive one (um, you have seen the tears during piano right?) and I understand.
I think you are doing great to empower him and to make your home the safest place ever. If he feels good at home he can slowly gain the courage and confidence to stand up for himself. And someday he will be old enough to really, truly understand that the things people say and do to us can not hurt us if we do not let them.
And you will be the one he thanks for teaching it to him.
Good job momma bear! Grrrr!
Bless his sweet heart! It has got to be such a scary thing to send your sweet babies into this big, mean world.
If you think that I am choking back tears in an airport, thinking about the first time Henry gets teased, you are right! If only everyone could see our babies the same way we see them!
What a good mama you are.
Poor Noah! I feel for him! Moments like that just break your heart! Kids can be so hurtful. I still don't understand why some kids feel the need to find something as trivial as a "puffy" coat, and make a kids feel terrible about it. I can just picture poor freezing Noah in his swetshirt! I just want to run up there and take him out for and icecream and a hug!!
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